Day 10 - Goodbye

Last day here.

Weather is depressing and the rain pours.

My heart sinks in depression once again.

Maybe nothing's changed and I am back to ground zero.

Please take me away.

Goodbye.

Day 9 - One short of 10

Today I am one step closer to completing my song. I am quite happy and feeling accomplished. Thanks LB for letting me borrow your guitar this whole time. It's much appreciated, I don't know how I would have spent my free time.

Anthony put on Gladiator, which I have never seen before, and it was like a 7 hour long movie, which was a good movie.

LB came over later and we just gamed it up a bit before heading out to Pho for dinner. Pho filled me up like crazy. It was pretty good, once again, just tastes like default San Diego Pho to me. Good.

Next, Anthony, LB, and I headed to Maobei's birthday party. There were a few heads there, I guess we showed up early. It was sort of sad seeing Maobei for the last time, since today is supposed to be my last day here. This guy has made the effort showing up and offering to drive everywhere and everything. So this section is for you Maobei. Thank you so much for all you have done for me during my visit, I love you fag. I hope you had a great bday(hearing that you threw up and passed out within couple of hours, I am assuming you had a great time). See you again.

Anthony and I left the party early and kicked it with his cousin again, Dom. Mike also joined us at Santana Row(which is basically Beverly Hills for San Jose). I should've taken some pics of this place but it slipped my mind.

We ended up at the Border's kid section and acting stupid. It was actually kind of relaxing and cool.

Back at the apartment, We watched Anchorman. That concluded the night.

I've had a swell time here in San Jo.

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As I lie in bed, thoughts ran through my brain again. If I leave tomorrow morning, I would miss the rain and it would probably be smooth sailing back. No traffic, etc etc...

But... Am I wasting a day? If I leave, I would get back Sunday afternoon, crash, wake up midnightish and make some music. Spend the next 2 days making music and being miserable and sad.

OR

I can spend one more day here, leave monday at 4 am, get back around noon. Crash - wake up and make music. Spend the next day getting ready for school and making music, and then go to SDSU.

...

I'm not entirely sure yet, but It may benefit me to stay one more day. I'm just worried about the rain in 9 hour drive...

Part of the reason i don't want to leave is because I know I will be really depressed to go back to San Diego. I have nobody there.. I realize that I have so many people here that do care about me. They sincerely care.

I love you guys. Thank you all for helping me through these rough times.

Day 8 - Nearing to an end

mmm... My days in San Jose are nearing to a close end.. I had a lot of fun today, and for once I forgot about my problems for awhile. It was such a nice feeling, it wasn't a feeling of happiness, but of neutrality.

So what did I even do today.

Woke up and grabbed brunch with Khanh and Anthony at Pepper Lunch.

I worked on my song some more today and I think its getting closer to it's completion. I am proud of where this song's direction is headed.

For dinner; Mike, Khanh, Kenny, and Maobei joined Alex, Anthony, and I.

We had our home made korean bbq on Khanh's George Foreman grill. Apparently that grill sucks out all the fat from the meat and leaves you with fat-free meat. Yum. Dinner was good! It was fun to cook our own stuff too! Thank you Khanh for the grill! Thanks Mao and Anthony for getting the supplies. =)

Khanhieee =)) <3

Lots of ribbies

Khanh cooking for us.. thank yooou

Khanh's awesome facial expressions =)

After dinner, we lounged at Gumbo Jumbo, or something like that. Dom worked there so we decided to just keep her company while she worked. Plus, I wanted Coffee to compliment my ciggies. It was a nice swell time. Had really good company tonight and it was really enjoyable. I love these guys.

Mao, Anthony, Mike.

Khanh's Deer Headlights face.

And now, It's 4:14 am. Late Night poker. I am burnt the hell out.

Tomorrow is Maobei's birthday party, and I don't know what is going to happen.

But as for right now I'm going to sleep. I am dead.

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My mind goes crazy. I am going down such bad paths, I'm making terrible decisions. I am okay with it because I still respect myself in some sort of way, but the thing I'm most scared of is you finding out. I hope to god you aren't seeing this, I hope to god you won't see this, I hope to god that you won't see ME like this.

Maybe this path im going down is necessary.

Day 7 - See You In Awhile...

Today's plans for the San Fran Zoo were skewered. The Zoo closes at 4pm and we left the house at 2pm, so it was way too late. Plus I felt extremely tired from the late night prior.

So the new plan was just to visit Santa Cruz Cliff one last time to take it in and watch the sunset again.

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Arrived just in time, and it was gorgeous.. absolutely gorgeous. Here's some more pics.

This is a picture of a sand-painted jelly fish, it looks pretty awesome..How did someone even do that?!

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This could be the last time I see this spot for awhile, so it was bitter sweet. My mind seemed to clear a lot in that place.. . My eyes opened up to a lot of things, and finally for once I felt like some sort of weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt free and I felt like THIS was a new start..

But when I left, feelings subsided and I fell back into the depressed state again.

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I'm trying my best..

e:

after tonight I realize how it will be like when I return to San Diego.. I am really going to miss true friends here in Nor Cal. I don't want to go back to my normal life, I will be miserable, I know it..But I gotta keep strong. Block it all out.

I don't like how my life is turning now. Without any sunshine in my life, I am going down dark paths. I don't want it this way, but sometimes life comes with surprises.

It's all about DSR&R now.

Day 6 - Untitled

Today was supposed to be an ugly rainy day. It turned out it was actually sunny all day and the weather was really nice.

So I wanted to go to Santa Cruz again to see the sunset..But I got kind of lazy and just decided to stay home since I've been going out practically everyday now.

We ended up grabbing dinner with a bowl full of heads at 99 Chicken.

Khanh, Kenny, Maobei, Alex, Anthony, Anthony's 2 cousins, Anthony's friend, and Mike..

LB and Don showed up after to watch the hang over. So tonight was a pretty entertaining group of people.. No photos today.. Too busy having a good time :]

We watched the Hang Over after dinner, which must be like my 15th time watching this movie so I was actually pretty bored haha. But no worries, everyone else seemed to have a great time.

Tomorrow the plan is to go to Santa Cruz and San Fran to check out the beaches and the San Fran Zoo, so stick around for some photos. Pretty excited for tomorrow though.. My days are almost over here =(

PS: I found my new dream car while at 99 chicken today. Audi R8.

It is the sickest car I have ever seen. It's suuuuch eye candy.

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I've been trying to work on my music vigorously but I'm getting frustrated. I can't progress and it's all starting to sound bland. I've been listening to a lot of bands recently to get an idea of how to progress songs, which part should go where, and what I should do to add some detailing within the song to make it nice. But it's all starting to blur. I'm getting agitated... .. I'm determined to work hard on this song, it means a lot to me.

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I'm really hoping that when I get back to San Diego, I'll find myself more complete and less of an empty soul which I left with originally.. I feel of course, my problems are still here and they still haven't left and I am struggling ever so deeply with them, still. I just wish these depressed feelings would just leave. I've forgotten what true and authentic happiness feels like. But, maybe this is my niche. I've never found myself to be such a happy person, maybe it was a well needed vacation.

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Day 5 - Rainy Days

It was rainy today, so I didn't do much except go to the Guitar Center in Santa Clara..

I am supposed to grab dinner with Hyung, Maobei, and Anthony tonight, that's all that's planned.

Check out Day 4's blog post, it's much more interesting..

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It's been so long ever since we've been together that, I think I'm starting to forget what true happiness is...

Day 4 - A Mystery Spot and Serene Location..

Today; Maobei, Anthony and I visited a famous tourist attraction. The spot is called the Mystery Spot, apparently the gravitational/magnetic pull is messed up there so weird happenings occur. We tried to take some pictures of the mystery spot, but a lot of the things they showed were demonstrations. I guess I'll start by telling you some weird stuff that occurs there.

Santa Cruz looks more like this.. I thought it would be more city-like, but it's actually very woodsy and kind of mysterious..

1. The incline their is incredible. Walking up the mystery spot cabin(pics later) was hard. So, because of this, height perception is really off. The tour guide explained how we can lose up to 2 inches or even 2 feet in height in certain spots we stand(which was demonstrated in the pics showed later).

2. The trees grow really differently there too. The trees grow in a weird spiral and they tend to lean forward. pics later.

3. Some pieces of wooden planks may seem even to you, but they are actually off balanced. So another demonstration the guide showed was placing a pool ball on a downhill plank of wood. Instead of the ball rolling down, it rolls up. Weird stuff.

4. There is a metal ball in the cabin room(pics later) where the ball is supposed to swing in a back to forward motion, but instead of swings in a clockwise motion. It's weird.

This smoking sign made me laugh hahah. .. Uhm, Please Smoke Outside?.. but we ARE!

This would be me, in front of the Mystery Spot.

So the mystery spot wasn't all that mysterious to me, but it was cool to check it out. I guess I can say I've been to the Santa Cruz Mystery Spot!

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Next, we headed to a nice beach alongside Santa Cruz. Here are a lot of pictures we took, they are gorgeous.. Pics cant really describe the beauty of this location..
Let's just say, if I lived in Santa Cruz, this spot would definitely be my new replacement for La Jolla Cliffs in San Diego... The place has a beautiful sunset view, beautiful light house nearby in plain view, clean fresh area right from the bay - not salty at all, just fresh...And it's just amazing. I wish you could have been there with me..
All pictures were taken upon the Santa Cruz Cliffs.

Left side view from the cliffs.

Right side view from the cliffs.

Side view from the top from the Cliffs.

Victory Stick of the Cliffs.

Nice picture of the night sky.. Isn't it beautiful?..

Shores.

Look at it all.. It is suuuch a beautiful scene... Pictures can not do this beautiful place justice.

Day 3 - San Francisco

ahh, what a long day.. It's 3:20 am.. and I am completely burned out.

Went to San Fran today with Maobei at around noon. We ate Pho first(I hear San Jose has some really good pho.) and it was pretty good. Compared to SD Pho, it tastes about the same except the difference in the broth. SJ is stronger and less salty, thats the only difference I could really taste.

When We arrived in San Fran, it sort of reminded me of Los Angeles, cuz it was a little hazy. We passed some nice buildings built for historic purposes, i think, then we hit the Golden Gate Bridge!

There were a lot of tourists there actually, and a lot of cutie girls haha(I didn't get any pics with them though =(. ) It was also reaaally cold and windy(you can tell my hair is blowing like crazy in that pic)..!

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After the GG Bridge, we drove around looking at scenery. Here's some pictures that we both took of Cliffs, Monuments, and more pictures on the Golden Gate.. It's a pretty view to see.

Beautiful Cliffs.

The above picture is of Alcatraz Prison. Pretty crazy...

Another Shot of the Golden Gate and Shore.

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We went to Japan Town afterwards. There weren't too many interesting things there, just a big mall with a lot of unique japanese stuff. There was this cool art museum that was there.. I took a picture of an interesting piece that caught my eye. A Hello Kitty lamp!

What a unique piece huh? I really like this.

And there was of course a big Sanrio store filled with unique Hello Kitty stuff.

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Other things we saw outside japan tow was this big pagoda. So we took a picture of it too.. Not too interesting.

Just looks pretty is all..

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We drove around the city at night for a bit and saw some even more beautiful scenes. I got plenty of pictures but they don't really do them justice, I guess you guys have to go see the city yourself.. It was a pretty long day and I am dead tired, so this is it for me. Hope you guys liked today's update cuz it took forever to type.

Tomorrow, Maobei, Alex, and I are going to go to Santa Cruz to check out a cool place. It's called the mystery spot of Santa Cruz. It's basically a place where gravity is all messed up and a lot of weird things happen there. I will update about it tomorrow! Good night now! =)

Day by Day.. .

Day 2 - I have an American Spirit.

San Fran was a bust today due to gloomy weather.. =( BUT tomorrow I will be going!
I want to see the golden gate bridge and SF at night, I think it will be a sight to see..
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Toady was a pretty relaxed day, not much going on. Just got pho in the morning..

It's now 10:30pm, time flies...All I can think about is making music. My desire to complete the song I've been working on is on fire.. It's the most thing I miss about in San Diego, and my cousins...

We ate dinner at a place called Halu Ramen, I remember going here my first time in San Jose..But it definitely is not better than my personaly favorite, Kohryu Ramen. Not even close! Here is a picture of Halu Ramen. The broth is too fat and too bland. Noodles weren't tasty at all, but hey its food right?


There was dessert at a place called Red Mango. I guess this place is supposed to be the original yogurt place.. It was pretty good. But again, It wasn't anything like yogurt world in mira mesa.


Most of you know, I have been pretty stressed out lately. Thoughts running through my mind constantly... Panic attacks frequent, and nightmares too... A new year, but the same problems carry on. Just cuz it's a new year doesn't mean that the old doesn't stick...
I've been fighting the urge to stay away from cigarettes for the last month, but I finally gave in today.. I hope I don't get addicted now. I never was before though.


There are many things here that remind me of you, even when I'm hundreds of miles away.. . There's no running from this.

Day 1 - Arrival

I left San Diego around 4 pm yesterday and I rode into San Jose at about 1 am..I must say the drive was pretty difficult... I saw so many things that I would have never seen before if the events that happened to me wouldn't have taken place..

I've always wondered, for those people who worked in the middle of nowhere, where do they live? do they make a lot for this job? Do they hate their lives? It must suck right?.. Well, I donno about all of the above, but I think I found out where they live when I got lost at midnight driving off to unpaved roads. It was a scary, scary experience, and I found houses planted in the middle of absolutely nowhere..In dark shady places covered in dead trees. I felt like it was a slaughter house or something, was scary...

My mind was still jumbled after this ride in.. I thought things would clear, but I still find it hard to find the answers to my questions and my predicament..

The first place I went to was Albert's place, where everyone was. I was welcomed with warm greetings. It was good to see all their faces again...



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Today, I wanted to go see San Fran in it's entirety, but the weather is gloomy...


We'll see..

ps-
I'd like to thank;

All American Rejects
Taylor Swift
A Skylit Drive

For keeping me up during the drive there. yeah.
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It's so hard not to think about you. Have you moved on and forgotten about me? Please don't throw me away...Everything still seems so empty without you.

Leaving to Find Myself

Today, I leave San Diego for awhile.
I have to say, I am scared. I really feel this will help me find myself this time. I didn't get to go where I originally wanted, but at least this place I'll have people that care about me here, it's a safe environment..

I stepped outside today, it's a beautiful day. It's a great day to leave..
My mind is ever so jumbled right now.. I can't think straight. Is what I'm doing right? How will I explain this to my parents?.. Maybe this is necessary to really start a new chapter in my life. I have to accept that things aren't the same anymore..
There is a reason behind why I'm overloading myself with school work. More than just challenging myself, and more than trying to finish my GE's earlier.. I realize that when I come back to San Diego, it will be hard to find someone to confide in. Everyone around me is drifting away.. I need to keep myself occupied. Sadly, books are my new friend...Books and Music.

Since my brand-name spending days are pretty much over, I still have a lot of this money saved up. I figured I'll probably use it for guitar equipment, and travel. Money can't buy happiness but It can take me places. I want to go to places where I'll feel welcomed and safe. It isn't here in San Diego. Although my friends here in San Diego are still close and I know they have good hearts, our friendship isn't exactly on their top priority list, which is totally fine..I don't have much company here.

Anyways, update later when I arrive to San Jose.. I hope all goes smoothly. Wish me luck.


I still wonder about you everyday..Do you wonder about me?...

New Journey

It's more personal this time around..

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Realizing that.. after the 8th of January, everyone that I have been very close to will be gone back home, far away. I will be left alone with no one here to conform to. I am stuck in utter despair... I just need to get away.

These past 2 weeks, I have found myself to be completely lost as a person. But, I have realized a lot of things......

Happiness... I never realized what TRUE happiness really was to begin with, because I may have only experienced it in tiny bursts here and there.. But these past few months I have been truly happy. What is true happiness?.. I found it to be this warm, warm feeling, that no matter how the day looks.. how bad your days are, you always look forward to the next one. You love experiencing the life you are living, and you can't wait to share it with that significant person. In these past months, I've spilled so much passion and happiness out of myself.. I was so happy with life.
I'm sure thousands have been through this, one way or another. But that happiness is sucked from my life now. I am lost. Everyday is tasteless and dry. I no longer have that lingering feeling of a better tomorrow.. I'm lost...But I can say, I experienced true happiness...

Money - It is one important thing in the world.. It can buy so much power.. But power and money can not buy happiness. not close at all. After December 19th, my so called addiction has stopped.. It was this day, that my happiness vanished. And I realized money really can not buy happiness..

Growing Stronger - ...Eventually, I hope to face this path. I know I am a weak person emotionally.. And I want to grow stronger and stronger, but I am trying my best to go on and come out of this as a stronger person, no matter if happiness is there in the end or not.

My Blind Side - I've been blinded these past months. I thought because I felt so strongly for any one person, that they would feel the same way back..It's not the case. I can only blame myself for this. It was me that lead to my utter despair.. Reality has broken my heart into thousands of pieces. So now i'm here to try to fix it. Yet there is still a part of them left inside of me, that part of me that i find so pure.. that part i'll hold on to. In a way, I have found myself in the grand scheme of things..

Family - The only thing that has been really keeping myself in one piece. Without them I think I really would be dead. I have so many cousins to thank to keep me in check and keep me thinking straight. In the end of it all, no matter how many friends or loved ones you lose, your family will always be there. Having all of you leave, makes me feel so lonely. I need to be strong though.

I will be out of San Diego temporarily... soon, hopefully... I can't stand it here. I feel so stuck..