New Journey

It's more personal this time around..

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Realizing that.. after the 8th of January, everyone that I have been very close to will be gone back home, far away. I will be left alone with no one here to conform to. I am stuck in utter despair... I just need to get away.

These past 2 weeks, I have found myself to be completely lost as a person. But, I have realized a lot of things......

Happiness... I never realized what TRUE happiness really was to begin with, because I may have only experienced it in tiny bursts here and there.. But these past few months I have been truly happy. What is true happiness?.. I found it to be this warm, warm feeling, that no matter how the day looks.. how bad your days are, you always look forward to the next one. You love experiencing the life you are living, and you can't wait to share it with that significant person. In these past months, I've spilled so much passion and happiness out of myself.. I was so happy with life.
I'm sure thousands have been through this, one way or another. But that happiness is sucked from my life now. I am lost. Everyday is tasteless and dry. I no longer have that lingering feeling of a better tomorrow.. I'm lost...But I can say, I experienced true happiness...

Money - It is one important thing in the world.. It can buy so much power.. But power and money can not buy happiness. not close at all. After December 19th, my so called addiction has stopped.. It was this day, that my happiness vanished. And I realized money really can not buy happiness..

Growing Stronger - ...Eventually, I hope to face this path. I know I am a weak person emotionally.. And I want to grow stronger and stronger, but I am trying my best to go on and come out of this as a stronger person, no matter if happiness is there in the end or not.

My Blind Side - I've been blinded these past months. I thought because I felt so strongly for any one person, that they would feel the same way back..It's not the case. I can only blame myself for this. It was me that lead to my utter despair.. Reality has broken my heart into thousands of pieces. So now i'm here to try to fix it. Yet there is still a part of them left inside of me, that part of me that i find so pure.. that part i'll hold on to. In a way, I have found myself in the grand scheme of things..

Family - The only thing that has been really keeping myself in one piece. Without them I think I really would be dead. I have so many cousins to thank to keep me in check and keep me thinking straight. In the end of it all, no matter how many friends or loved ones you lose, your family will always be there. Having all of you leave, makes me feel so lonely. I need to be strong though.

I will be out of San Diego temporarily... soon, hopefully... I can't stand it here. I feel so stuck..